Jonah Engler – How to speak your spouse’s love language

We all know the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” And when it comes to showing our spouse we love them, this couldn’t be truer! Just because you say “I love you” doesn’t mean your spouse will feel loved if they don’t feel like your actions are matching up says Jonah Engler. That’s why learning and speaking your spouse’s “love language” is so important in a relationship.

What is a love language?

A love language is simply the way we each express and receive love. There are five main love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. Everyone has a primary love language (or two), which is the way they most feel loved and appreciated by their partner.

Why is it important to learn your spouse’s love language?

When you know your spouse’s love language and make an effort to speak it regularly, it can do wonders for your relationship! It can help increase intimacy, reduce conflict, and make your spouse feel truly loved you. Not to mention, it’s a great way to show your spouse you’re listening and that you care about their feelings.

How do I find out my spouse’s love language?

There are a few different ways to find out your spouse’s love language. You could take a quiz, like this one from The Gottman Institute, or ask your spouse directly what their love language is. Another option is to watch and listen for the ways your spouse expresses love. For example, if they often tell you how much they appreciate you, or they always seem happy when they spend quality time with you, then Words of Affirmation would be their primary love language explains Jonah Engler.

Once I know my spouse’s love language, what do I do?

Now that you know your spouse’s love language, it’s time to start speaking it! Below are some tips for each love language:

Words of Affirmation:

-Compliment your spouse regularly

-Tell them how much you appreciate them

-Express your gratitude for things they do for you

-Send them a sweet text or note throughout the day

-Verbally express your love for them often

Quality Time:

-Make time for regular date nights (even if it’s just at home)

-Plan special weekend getaways together

-Set aside time each day to talk and connect with each other

-Do something you both enjoy together, like going on walks or watching a movie

Receiving Gifts:

-Buy your spouse small tokens of your love often

-Surprise them with a gift for no reason

-Put together a romantic gift basket filled with their favorite things

-Write a love letter and include a gift card to their favorite restaurant or store

Acts of Service:

-Do something special for your spouse that they wouldn’t normally do for themselves

-Make them breakfast in bed

-Take the dog for a walk

-Do the grocery shopping or laundry for them

-Help with a project around the house they’ve been meaning to get to

Physical Touch:

-Hug your spouse when you greet them, say goodbye, or just randomly throughout the day

-Kiss them passionately

-Massage their shoulders or neck

-Cuddle with them while you watch TV or read a book

-Hold hands while you’re out and about

No matter what your spouse’s love language is, the most important thing is to be intentional about speaking it. A little effort goes a long way in making your spouse feel loved!


What if my spouse’s love language is different from mine?

If your spouse’s love language is different from yours, don’t worry! It just means you’ll need to be a little more intentional about expressing your love in their love language says Jonah Engler. For example, if your love language is Words of Affirmation but your spouse’s is Acts of Service, you might need to express your love for them by doing things for them instead of just telling them how much you care.

What if I have trouble speaking my spouse’s love language?

If you have trouble speaking your spouse’s love language, that’s okay! Just remember to be patient and keep trying. It might take some time to get used to expressing yourself in a new way, but


Hopefully, this article has helped you better understand love languages and how to speak your spouse’s love language. If you have any questions or need more help, please don’t hesitate to reach out.